I submit following for (someone's) consideration:
Sweet Smell of Success with Burt Lancaster's part played by...
Michael Fassbender and...
Tony Curtis's character played by...
Tina Fey
Breathless with Belmondo's character played by...
Adam Driver.
The Mother And The Whore with Jean-Pierre Léaud replaced with...
Paul Dano.
Masculin Feminin, now about pre-Occupy Philadelphia anarchists rather than pre-1968 French communists and starring...
Micahel Cera as Léaud (if we can't get Dano) and...
Kate Bush for Chantal Goya.
Blonde Venus with...
Beyonce as Dietrich and...
Jay-Z as Cary Grant.
Tokyo Story with...
Tom Cruise.
Testament of Orpheus (or Blood of a Poet) with...
James Franco.
.
And finally, the life of David Bowie, with...
Michael Cimino's Christopher Walken.
I'd like to take this moment to note nowhere did I want to replace Cary Grant with his doppleganger, George Clooney. I may love Dano more because I wish we had a Léaud, I may hold out hope for more interesting performances from Fassbender because I love Lancaster, but Cary Grant doesn't make Clooney any more enjoyable or vise versa. Notorious, His Girl Friday, or Bringing Up Baby with Clooney would be the worst thing to happen to cinema since they put a remake of Akira with white people in pre-production (even with Japanese people, a real action Akira could only be an offense against Pigs And Battleships).
Readers might also notice that I used Tina Fey to replace Tony Curtis and not Liz Lemon's namesake, Jack Lemmon.
This is mostly because I couldn't think of a male Shirley McClain to mach her with.
Maybe Paul Dano?
The above is male-centric list to be sure. Really, someone should take me to task in the comment section. Do you really want to see Michael Cera make love to Kate Bush? Is the life of David Bowie a remake? Stick up for yourself, gentle reader. Let me have it! I'm asking for it!
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